Tractor Pulling Cartoons and Lists
Plillips Screwdriver:Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper and tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round-out Phillips screw heads.
Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a chicago pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened years ago and rounds them off.
Duct Tape: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army Knife in stickum and plastic. Its safety wire, body material, radiator hose, insulation, tow rope and more in an easy to carry package.
Baling Wire: Commonly known to hold anything thats too hot for tape or ties. Baling Wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles.
The Top Rule Changes for 2003....
Breather masks required. C'mon, you want to be a He-man driver, dress the part! There's nothing more sinister then a guy with a gas mask sitting behind a super charger. Make sure to snarl.
All drivers must flash the peace sign when crossing the 300 ft mark. It makes for a great photo op and gives an additional thrill akin to holding your hands up on a rollercoaster.
All competitors must run in a 20.00 gambler pull the night before an event. Hey you could probably use the seat time and it will keep you from pulling onto the track at the last minute with a half put together vehicle. That is of course unless you grenade it the night before.
Maxium of 5 pounds of torque on rod bolts. It adds a little Russian Roulette drama to the pulling action. By the way, there's no Loctite allowed. We're checkin!
Maxium wheelbase 90 inches. Shorten up boys. Yeah we know about stability at speed, but if you're not all over the track, your not getting the best adrenaline rush!
All teams must have a hot babe to back up their vehicle. If you didn't bring your own, one can be provided at a norminal fee. Trashy Outfits are additional.
Top Reasons "You might be an obsessed Puller"...
You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas( But doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
You wash your vehicle like it was your first born child, you tend to its needs like it was your own body, you protect it like its your family, then you pull it like you stole it!
Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and drivers suit.
You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaking bar every other week or so.
You have enough spare parts to build another vehicle.
Your email address refers to your pulling vehicle or team rather then you.
Your registered for wedding gifts at Jegs, Riverside or Hyper.
You've started looking for sponsers for your daily commute.
The UPS guy took to taking steroids so he could keep up with your shipments.
The Fed-Ex guy had a nervous breakdown.
Fuel is delivered to you in 55 gal drums.
All the Wildlife within an 800 ft. radius around your house got the Hell Out!
Co-workers know better then to ask what you did over the weekend.
You can lose 5 pounds in a July afternoon while eating chili dogs.
You and your spouse met at a pull.
Your Grandmother is shocked to find you have a pair of Jammies that cost $400 and the seat doesn't even drop down.
You get out Racers Wholesale's number when a friend asks for best hardware store.
Wonder why the hotel air-conditioning can't keep up with 12 people sleeping in the same room.
Your wife can never find enough hangers in the house cause you've used all the wire ones for welding rods.
You fix things around the house (kids bikes, etc.) with grade 8 bolts and nylock nuts from your parts bins.
Top Ten Reasons "You Might Be A Puller"...IF"
10. Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
9. Your criteria for selecting a "significant other" include auto repair skills.(air tools optional)
8. You plan your wedding around the Pulling Schedule.
7. When you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation, she answers: "Why...is there a pull there?"
6. You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed a flow bench to fix the air filter on her car.
5. Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
4. You bought a tow vehicle before buying furniture for the house.
3. You save broken parts as "Momentos".
2. You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
1. The requirements you gave the real estate agent are:( listed in order of importance )
- Outside parking for cars, motorhome, crewcab dualie and trailer( or semi)
- 3-phase 220-volt outlets in the garage.
- Convenient to a waste disposal site.
- Deaf neighbors.
- Across the street from a machine shop and/or speed shop.
- Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property somewhere --or--hookups
for the motorhome.
Pete the Puller
Rochester State Action
Rochester, Minn. August 4th, 1991
Sometimes we can bite off more then we can chew! Photos by Marcia Lamar. Truck attempting to pull
Trying to explain to a newcomer what makes the sport of pulling so
great isn't as easy as it sounds. To those of us who have spent
any time around the sport it has many things great and small
that make it what it is. From this thought we offer a list of
things, a list of what pulling is.
Driving all night to a pull and finding out your class is cancelled.
The Northsiders of Bowling Green giving your wife a 9 when she
Getting your super stock ready for it's first pull and then seeing
Silver Bullet roll in.
Goose bumps when you hook to the sled at Freedom Hall.
Seeing your distance on the scoreboard 299.11
Spending all night working on your vehicle and seeing rain on Sunday
Attending a drivers meeting run by Larry Richwine.
Being test puller in all your classes.
Lending parts to your arch rival and then he beats you.
Listening to the announcer mis-pronounce your name during trophy
Running out of bounds on your second hook at 298.
Watching the track go away and knowing you're the last puller in the
Watching the track get better and you were the first puller in the
Campers and lawn chairs in a circle after a pull.
Helping a stranger fix a flat tire on the side of the road and being late
to the pull because of it.
Getting the schedule and realizing there are two pulls the same night
as your 20th Wedding anniversary.
Trying to land that big sponsor.
Driving a thousand miles to an event and watch it rain all weekend.
Making the best pull of your life and the measuring device malfunctions.
Picking up your side shields on the way to the pull from the artist
and the pictures are upside down.
The finest people in the world.
The Puller's Excuse
I came in last, but it wasn't my fault.
My Puller decided to come to a hault.
The track was slippery, or was it too dry?
It couldn't have been cuz I didn't try.
The brake on the left grabbed much too quick.
I just tapped it a little, but boy did it stick.
The gear that I pulled in seemed way too tall,
And I just never got any distance at all.
The front end jumped so far in the air,
That I went out of bounds, and that wasn't fair.
The steering was loose, and my hitch got bent.
I still don't know where that darn weight went.
The weight box slid up far too fast.
Otherwise I never would have come in last.
The air sure got denser, and my settings were off.
My tires both leaked air; they were way too soft.
Someone in the crowd called out my name.
If only I hadn't taken time to wave.
The flagman waved the red, not the green.
That's when the crowd really started to scream.
My right front wheel rolled way down the track,
And no one ever did bring it back.
Maybe my motorman just lost his touch,
Maybe it's because I owe him so much.
It couldn't be cuz my motor is too small.
Nothing seems logical at all.
I still can't tell you just why I lost,
But I'll fix it tommorow whatever the cost.
I'd better keep my reasons for losing, private.
But it sure wasn't cuz I couldn't drive it.
A Puller's Wife
You know your a puller's wife when:
You clean out your purse and find 6 ticket stubs, one tire gauge, 2 rolls of film,
3 lockwashers and dirt.
You survey the remains of your lawnchairs at the end of the summer.
It's only a few miles down the road, means 50 at least.
You go to your sister's wedding in blue jeans and the tractor and trailer are waiting
outside, because it is the weekend of the big pull.
You step on the scales in September and gain 10 pounds on the road when everyone else loses
weight in the summer.
You pay the phone bill.
Some of your best friends live 200 miles or more away.
You have more pictures of the tractor than the kids.
You pass up the white shorts for navy blue.
Your perverbial summer lunch is either ham sandwiches or hot dogs.
You travel 500 miles or more to sit in the sun for 3 hours for 10 seconds
"I need a little help with the tractor", means forget cleaning, washing and dinner,
the morning's shot.
The UPS man can't believe that little box costs that much!!!
Your husband has 16 nylon jackets and you have one hand-me-down.
You explain to your Mother why you can't go 25 miles for Sunday dinner but
can go 300 miles for a tractor pull.
Your checkbook deposit slips are listed with distances instead of dollars.
Your neighbor's think your crazy, your friends wonder and you know you are.
You scramble to finish planting the dirt so you can go breathe it all summer.
The tractor is waxed more often than your floors.
Despite it all, even you are anxious for pulling!!
A Pullers Prayer
Lord is isn't right to ask
For fortune or for fame,
I'm only here tonight - ( I think )
Because I like the game.
And when I take off down the track,
I like then to pretend
That you'll give me the power
To reach the other end.
Everyone should have his turn
To win - that's only right,
And if it's all the same to you
I'll take my turn tonight.
But if you think it's not the time
For me to have first place,
Lord, when they pull me off the track
Please put a smile on my face.
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